


Whiskey Bent

by matahariherself



Series: The Ties That Bind Us [1]
Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, F/M, First Time, Gabriel is a fashionista, Ineffable Bureaucracy, No beta we fall like Crowley, Praise Kink, She/Her Pronouns for Beelzebub (Good Omens), Thank you for my pornography, forgive me Bob for I have sinned, inappropriate use of a Bob Ross quote
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-15 19:47:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29689032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/matahariherself/pseuds/matahariherself
Summary: The war doesn't happen and Gabriel doesn't know what to do with himself. Beelzebub thinks he should try some new things.
Relationships: Beelzebub/Gabriel (Good Omens)
Series: The Ties That Bind Us [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2182923
Comments: 8
Kudos: 22





	Whiskey Bent

The pub was crowded and smelled of sweat and liquor. It should have been on fire hours ago, but that’s the apocalypse for you. Gabriel looked around the room and sighed. He didn’t know why he’d agreed to this. They’d met before, but only for business, never socially. Gabriel did not met with demons socially, except when he did, which was today, apparently. 

“Glenlivit, on the rocks,” Beelzebub said to the bartender. She turned to Gabriel. “And what are you having?”

“I do not drink spirits,” Gabriel replied stiffly. “Or anything else for that matter.”

Beelzebub gave him exasperated look. “Not even after the day we’ve had?”

Gabriel appeared to think this over for a moment and then relented. “Fine,” he sighed, with a wave of this hand. “I’ll have whatever is good.”

Beelzebub nodded. “Make it two,” she told the bartender.

They cast their eyes around the room for an empty table, but it seemed that all were occupied. Gabriel snapped his fingers and miraculously a booth in the back corner appeared for them. 

“Cheers,” Beelzebub said, clinking their glasses together. She downed half her glass in one gulp. Gabriel sipped his, made a face, and stared at the glass accusingly. Then he looked at Beelzebub accusingly. 

“I said order me something good. _This_ ,” he questioned, “is _good_?”

“Yezzzz,” Beelzebub said. “Keep drinking, you’ll acquire a taste for it.”

Gabriel frowned. “So, what now? I didn’t exactly have a Plan B for if the Great War didn’t happen. It was supposed to happen. I should be on a battlefield right now, thrusting my sword into a demon. Repeatedly.”

Beelzebub grinned into her glass. “Still might if you play your cards right,” she mumbled, taking another sip of scotch. 

“What?” Gabriel said. 

“Nothing,” Beelzebub said. “I don’t have a backup plan, either. I was counting on the war as much as you were.”

Gabriel took another drink and only winced a little. Some of the ice had melted, watering it down, which mellowed the flavor. “Do you think we’ll be issued new orders? What new orders could there be? If we’re not going to have a war, then what?”

“I don’t know,” Beelzebub said, tipping her tumbler up to get the last of the scotch out. Her glass hit the table with a _clack_. “I want chips,” she said. “Finish your drink. I’ll get us another.”

Gabriel forced down the rest of his drink. Beelzebub slid out of the booth, leaving Gabriel with his thoughts. Ever since the earth had been created, he had known it would end. That was the plan. He’d never once imagined that it wouldn’t happen. Would it still happen, later on, in some other way? Would Satan send another son, since the first one hadn’t worked out?

Across the room Beelzebub stood in front of a small machine with neon lights around it. Gabriel wasn’t sure what it was called, but earlier it had been playing some sort of recorded music. Beelzebub pressed some buttons on it and a new song started playing. The lyrics felt immediately relevant to Gabriel. He didn’t know why he’d come here either. He, too, felt that something was not right. Beelzebub did a few swaggering dance moves back to the table. So, demons _did_ dance, Gabriel thought. He wondered if the alcohol was kicking in. Beelzebub slid back into the booth as Gabriel realized that he was, like the song said, stuck with the person now sitting across from him. She slid his glass over. A moment later, a server set a basket of chips on the table.

“Cool hat,” the young woman said.

“Thank you,” Beelzebub replied, reaching for the chips.

“Where are your little friends?” Gabriel asked, making circles in the air with his finger. 

“Outside,” Beelzebub said, stuffing chips in her mouth. “I know you don’t like them.”

Gabriel was vaguely aware that this was a nice thing to do, to make him more comfortable. His chest felt a little a warm and he wondered why. 

“So… What now?” he said. 

“You zzzaid that earlier,” Beelzebub said. “I still don’t know. What I do know is that whatever fresh hell is waiting on my desk will have to wait until tomorrow. I’m taking the night off and so are you. I don’t want to talk about work. Let’zzz have some fun.” She popped another chip in her mouth. “Want some chips?”

Gabriel looked at the basket of chips with disgust. “I do not consume food,” he said. “My body is a temple.”

Beelzebub gave him a look. “You’re so uptight. This is why people don’t like you.”

Gabriel’s brow creased. He wondered if “people” included Beelzebub, and wondered why it bothered him if it did. Beelzebub grabbed a chip and held it a few inches from Gabriel’s mouth and waited. He stared at it. 

“What _is_ that, anyway?”

“It’s potatoes,” Beelzebub explained with more patience than Gabriel would have thought possible. “You cut them up and fry them in oil and sprinkle them with salt. Look at it this way, God created potatoes and oil and salt, so when you think about it, you’re really just enjoying God’s creation.”

Gabriel looked at her suspiciously. Historically, it was not a great idea to eat food offered by demons who told you one little bite wouldn’t hurt. Beelzebub was still holding the chip. It seemed quite harmless. Carefully, Gabriel bit the chip in half and chewed slowly. The outside was slightly crispy and the inside was soft and warm. He had no idea how to describe the taste, as he knew absolutely nothing to compare it to. It wasn’t bad. Beelzebub poked the rest of the chip into his mouth, so he ate that, too. 

The night went on and more songs played on the jukebox. Glasses were emptied and fresh ones arrived. The lights and shiny brass surfaces in the pub had taken on an almost angelic glow in Gabriel’s blurred vision. The stress of the failed apocalypse faded away as the night progressed. Gabriel discovered that he enjoyed Beelzebub’s company. Deep down, he had suspected that he would, though he scarcely admitted it to himself, much less anyone else. She intrigued him in unexpected ways. He found himself trying to put a name to the exact shade of blue of Beelzebub’s eyes. They were like the early morning sky when it was debating whether to be sunny or rainy, but could go either way. He wondered if lighter color clothes would make them brighter. He suspected they would. 

“Do you ever wear blue?” Gabriel asked. 

Beelzebub’s glass paused on her lips. Her brow furrowed with confusion. “I haven’t worn anything but black since I fell,” she said. “It’s traditional for demons. Why do you ask?”

“No reason.” Gabriel shrugged and looked anywhere but Beelzebub’s eyes. 

Beelzebub drained her glass and slammed it down. “Right, then. Let’zzz go find something fun to do.” She slid out of the booth and grabbed Gabriel’s hand as he stood up, leading him through the crowded room.

“Correct me if I’m wrong,” Gabriel started. “I don’t know much about earth, but I’m pretty sure some exchange of currency is required before we leave the building.”

“I’m a demon,” Beelzebub said simply. 

“And I’m an angel,” Gabriel said, snapping his fingers. The tab was paid. 

Beelzebub made a snorting sound. They stepped out into the fresh night air. A buzzing black cloud followed them, flying far enough overhead that the people on the street didn’t notice. 

“Where are you taking me?” Gabriel said. Now that he was up and walking he could feel the earth sway beneath his feet. Everything tilted horribly as he was pulled through the luminescent kaleidoscope of the London night. He heard a playful burst of laughter, but was too disoriented to tell if it had come from Beelzebub or someone else in the crowd. The spinning grew faster until he felt like the only thing keeping him from flying off into space was Beelzebub’s hand in his. “Oh, no, stop,” Gabriel pleaded. “No, no, no, please, stop, I’m serious.” 

Beelzebub stopped and led Gabriel to sit down on the edge of a nearby fountain. He closed his eyes while the world continued to spin. After a few deep breaths the dizzying feeling subsided and Gabriel opened his eyes. He hadn’t expected Beelzebub’s face to be so close to his own. A smile tugged at the corner of her mouth, though she looked like she was fighting it. 

“That scotch hit you hard,” she said. “You really don’t have any tolerance at all, do you?”

The ghost of her breath touched his lips when she spoke, haunting his thoughts with spectral kisses. It was so unexpectedly lovely, that he had to remind himself that she was a demon. He knew he should have cared more about that, and any other time he would have, but not today. Today the Great War had been canceled, and Gabriel was lost. The goalpost hadn’t simply been moved, it had been taken off the field completely. What was he going to do? What was he doing now? 

“Do you want to call it a night?” Beelzebub asked. 

“I...think I should...” Gabriel said. 

“Do you want to call it a night _with me_?” Beelzebub asked. 

Confusion swept over Gabriel’s face. When no answer was forthcoming, Beelzebub let out a huff of air. Her head lulled to one side as she stared at him. Surely he understood the question? 

“Oh,” Gabriel said. “You mean… Wait, is that what you mean? Are we talking about… sexual intercourse?” 

Beelzebub rested a hand on her hip. “Yezzz, that’s what I mean. You, me, a hotel room, a good time. Are you interested?”

Gabriel’s mouth moved but no sounds came out at first. “I do not… engage in… sexual… That is, I’ve never… Never...”

“What do you mean you ‘never’? You don’t actually mean...” Beelzebub’s jaw slowly lowered. He did. That’s exactly what he meant. Beelzebub’s mouth snapped shut. “Well, there’zzz a first time for everything.” 

Gabriel shook himself mentally and tried to sober up enough to consider her offer. Any other day, he was sure he would have said no. Any day but today. Short fingernails raked slowly along his jawline. Beelzebub was waiting for an answer. Gabriel decided. He took her hand, and turning his head slowly, pressed a kiss into the inside of her wrist. 

“I’ll take that as a ‘yezzz’,” she whispered. 

Beelzebub hauled Gabriel to his feet, a task she surely used demonic strength for. He was led through the crowd again, back through the whirlwind of light and laughter and bursts of music. The hotel lobby was an oasis of calm compared to the street outside. Gabriel was vaguely aware that humans must have some sort of checking in process at these establishments, and was also aware that Beelzebub was skipping it. She snapped her fingers at the woman behind the front desk and received a plastic card. 

There was a hallway with plush carpet and understated modern paintings. The lift had mirrored walls and Gabriel watched himself and his companion in the reflection. The sudden upward movement made his stomach protest and his heart race. Stepping off the elevator relieved the nausea, but not the fluttering in his chest. By the time Beelzebub swiped the key and pulled him into their room, he was nearly shaking. 

What in the name of heaven was he doing? She was a demon. His enemy. But she didn’t seem like an enemy. She fascinated him. Through the cracks in her cold, bitter shell, he’d spied someone wickedly playful, bold, and brilliant. She didn’t show him deference, like so many angels did, for she was a prince in her own right. Her strong clever hands made quick work of his suit, casting it aside, along with her own. The curtains were drawn and the only light came from a small lamp in the corner of the room. His eyes followed the curves of her body, her small, perfectly formed breasts, the smooth plane of her stomach, her slender hips. She leaned back on the bed and beckoned him with one crooked index finger. He laid beside her, unsure of the first move, and watched as her eyes roamed over him with undisguised lust. 

“Wow,” Beelzebub said. “God sure wazzz having a good day when she made thizzz.”

She ran her fingers through the hair on his chest. Gabriel felt his heart pounding hard against her palm, as though she held it in her very hands. She leaned forward and he was surprised at the warmth and sweetness of her mouth. She trailed burning kisses down his neck and he gasped when her teeth grazed his chest in the gentlest of bites. She didn’t stop, but moved further down, her lips hot on his hardening length. A hallelujah caught in Gabriel’s throat and strangled him, his mouth refusing to utter it. Beelzebub seemed to enjoy the noises he was making, and urged him on with her tongue. She brought him close to climax, but pulled him back at the last moment, smiling slyly as she slid up his muscular frame. She captured his mouth and he surrendered without a fight. 

As Gabriel’s tremulous hands explored Beelzebub’s body, he marveled that a demon could have such beauty. The softness of her skin was nothing short of heavenly. He pressed kisses to her breasts, delighting in the way her small pink nipples hardened beneath his touch. She threaded her fingers through his hair and guided him down. His mouth found the wetness between her folds, and the taste and smell of her drove him to near madness. 

“Please,” he whispered against her skin. He wasn’t sure how to ask for what he wanted, but his erection was becoming painful and he knew he needed more. 

Beelzebub’s fingernails scraped along his scalp. “Say it again,” she said.

“ _Please_ ,” he begged. He crawled up her body, his length sliding against her thigh. His breath was hot on her neck as he whispered in her ear. “Please, my prince, give me more.”

A small moan escaped her as she grabbed his shoulders and threw him back on the bed, climbing on top of him and straddling his hips. 

“Call me that again,” she breathed. 

“My prince,” Gabriel said, helpless beneath her. “Dark Prince of Hell, Lord of the Flies, Great Prince of Demons, I adore you...” Gabriel shocked himself with the words tumbling out of his mouth. He had only ever uttered such praises to God, but he couldn’t stop. “My body is yours, my prince, my Lord Beelzebub. Please, my prince...”

“ _Fuck_ ,” Beelzebub gasped.

Gabriel’s pleas were rewarded as Beelzebub sank onto his rigid shaft, engulfing him in her sweet hellfire. He grabbed her hips and thrust into her, delirious with pleasure. He wasn’t the slightest bit worried about hurting her; she was a demon prince and if she was displeased at all he’d know it immediately. Her nails scratched his skin everywhere, marking him. As they moved together, he soared higher than he ever had on angel wings. He was surprised when she went over the edge before him, swearing obscenities as she came. He was not far behind, and he called dark prayers to her in his release. 

They stayed locked together for several moments until she slid off of him. Exhausted, she curled into his side. His fingers combed her messy black hair. The air of the hotel room seemed cool on his sweat glistened skin, and he pulled the blanket over them both. Several long minutes rolled by in the darkness. 

“So...” Gabriel whispered. “What now?”

“That’zzz at least the third time you’ve asked me that tonight,” Beelzebub grumbled. “Now you go to sleep, that’zzz what.”

“I don’t sleep,” Gabriel said. 

“First time for everything,” Beelzebub reminded him, burrowing closer. 

“I’ll try,” Gabriel said, but it was easier than he thought, and he drifted off before he even realized what happened. He did not wake at any point in the night, and had no dreams that he remembered, he just found himself awake with the feeling that some time had passed. Beelzebub was pressed against his side and sunlight streamed in through the tiny sliver in the curtains. Suddenly, horror gripped him. He sat up and flipped his wings open, nearly sending Beelzebub flying out of bed with a squawk. 

Gabriel checked his feathers. They were still white, except for the secondary coverts, which were lavender, as they had always been. He pressed a hand to his chest with relief.

“What the fuck are you doing, you idiot!?” Beelzebub yelled, spitting feathers out of her mouth. 

“I thought I might have fallen,” Gabriel said. 

“From what?” Beelzebub said. “A few drinks and roll in the hay? If that’s all it took to fall, heaven would be half empty.” 

“The things I said, though...” His face flushed with the memory.

“Such deliciouzzz blazzzphemy,” she buzzed in his ear. “Do you regret it?”

Gabriel was surprised to find that he did not regret it. He pulled Beelzebub close and kissed her. “No, my prince,” he whispered, attempting to memorize the way she looked naked, beside him, with her hair mussed. 

“We’d better clean up before we get back to work,” she sighed. They showered together, but strictly to wash off the evidence of the night before. No doubt their respective colleagues were wondering where they’d gone off to. As they dressed, Gabriel picked up Beelzebub’s coat and examined it. 

“This is very nice,” he remarked. “I didn’t know hell made such fine things.”

“We don’t,” Beelzebub said, taking it from him. “I go to a tailor in Savile Row.”

On their way back down to the lobby, Gabriel toyed with his cuff links. There was a scratch on the inside of his wrist from Beelzebub. He knew there were others, he’d seen them earlier in the shower. A small miracle would have healed the marks in an instant, but he left them. He enjoyed the tiny, hidden reminders of their night together. It had been a good night. In spite of the impending paperwork that no doubt waited for him back in heaven, he felt more relaxed than he had in recent memory. 

“You said there’s a first time for everything,” Gabriel said. “Is there a second time for everything, as well?”

Beelzebub smirked. “There could be…”

She tossed the hotel key on the front desk. The two of them walked out the doors and went opposite directions, not looking back.

* * *

Several weeks went by. The business of hell went on as usual. Beelzebub’s desk was already covered in stacks of papers when the mail clerk wheeled up to her with a large box. 

“Package for you, my Lord,” the clerk said, and shuffled out of her office. 

The box was covered in brown paper and had no return address. Demons are naturally suspicious of packages, especially when they don’t know who the package is from. Beelzebub backed away from her desk slowly. She opened her office door and looked around, spotting Hastur by the water cooler, which was filled with something awful. 

“Hastur!” she yelled. “Get in here, now!”

Hastur flinched and trudged into her office. Beelzebub was pressed between the wall and a filling cabinet in the corner. She pointed at her desk. 

“Go over there and open that,” she said. 

“What’s in it?” Hastur asked. 

“I don’t know,” Beelzebub said. “That’zzz why I’m not opening it. But someone hazzz to, so get to it.”

Hastur hung his head and obeyed. It could be anything, he thought, tearing the brown paper. It could be a holy water bomb. It could be something with too many heads that would eat his eyes out of his skull. It could be something with venomous tentacles. Hastur braced himself as he lifted the top off the box. When nothing happened, he opened one eye and looked down. 

“Huh,” he said. “S’not what I was expecting.”

“What izzz it?” Beelzebub demanded. 

“Clothes,” Hastur said.

“What?” Beelzebub strode forward to look in the box. It was a coat, identical to the one she currently had on, only in a brilliant royal blue. She lifted it out of the box and checked the tag. It was from her tailor. 

“Oh...” Understanding dawned on her. He must have gone to every tailor in Savile Row to find the one who had her measurements. Something fluttered horribly in her chest and she felt her face heating. 

“Who’s it from?” Hastur asked. 

“Nobody!” Beelzebub snapped. “We’re never speaking of it again, and if you mention it to anyone I’ll have you locked in the deepest pit I can find and I’ll throw away the key myself.”

“Right,” Hastur said, backing away. “I know nothing. I was never even here...” He let himself out of her office. 

Alone, Beelzebub held the coat to her chest and smiled to herself. She was going to have to send a bottle of scotch Upstairs. Perhaps there could be a few more first times for some things, and a few second times as well.

**Author's Note:**

> I've actually been in GO fandom for two decades, but this is the first new fan fic I've completed in years! This is also the first in a series, so there will be more, hang tight. Be sure to subscribe to the series for updates! Thanks!


End file.
